She's having a baby
by psycho-rag-doll
Summary: Number 3 in the Susie stories. When pregnant women keep waking up dead, it's Shawn, Gus, and Susie on the case. And how do you get two guys into a pregnant atmostphere? Turn their girl assistant into a pregnant woman, of course. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

1987

1987

Young Shawn and Gus staggered out of the school library. They both had looks of horror on their faces.

"So **that's **where babies come from?" asked Gus.

"I am never having kids," said Shawn. "That was disgusting!"

"What was disgusting?" asked Mrs. Howard, the music teacher at the school. Her belly bulged out ahead of her.

Shawn and Gus tried not to look at the stomach. "Um…." said Shawn.

All of a sudden, Mrs. Howard grabbed her stomach. She looked about ready to collapse.

"Mrs. Howard?" asked Gus.

"Are you okay?" asked Shawn.

"Boys," Mrs. Howard gasped. "I need you to go get another teacher…."

"What's going on here?" asked Mr. Jones, the principal of the school.

"I'm going… into labor. I need…. an ambulance…." said Mrs. Howard, pushing through the pain.

"Call 911!" called Mr. Jones down the hallway. "She's having a baby!"

Shawn and Gus looked at each other and ran away screaming.

2008

Shawn and Gus walked down the sidewalk towards the Psych office. There were lots of people walking outside today.

"Dude, have you noticed how many pregnant chicks are waddling around Santa Barbara these days?" asked Shawn.

"So what?" asked Gus. "Most people want their kids to be born in the summer, so they can have pool parties for the birthdays."

"Why do you know this?" asked Shawn.

"I told you I cover some birthing centers on my route."

"Still, it's creepy." Shawn looked around. "And these women! Most of them can't be more than mid-twenties. And they're already on the second or third kid."

"What's wrong with young mothers?"

"They don't know anything! I mean, come on. I'm thirty and I'm highly advanced for my age."

"Well, you're practically a young father yourself, Shawn."

"Huh?"

"Susie's almost seventeen. You're thirty. If she were your actual spawn, you would have had her when you were fourteen. That's pretty young."

"I wouldn't have been the one pushing her out of my being," said Shawn. "Besides, I thought you were one of the people who said Susie **wasn't** my daughter."

"I was trying to make a point, Shawn."

"By contradicting yourself? Sweet."

Meanwhile back at the office, Susie was dealing with her own contradiction controversy. She was sitting on the roof, cell phone to ear, lollipop in mouth.

"Susie, I have a confession to make," said Monica on the other end.

"Spill." said Susie, twirling the sucker stick between her fingers. Her tongue was going to be a lovely shade of purple.

"Promise you won't kill me."

Susie pulled the sucker out of her mouth. "I'm sorry, I can't promise anything."

Monica sighed. Then she said "Fine. I accept that."

"Alrighty then. What's up?"

"Well….I'm not a …..member of the V club anymore."

"I'm sorry?"

"Yeah, well….."

"Details."

"Susie--"

"Details. Now."

"Like a police statement? Susie, you've been living with a detective too long."

"And it sounds like you've been living in sin."

"Susie, it's not like that."

"Still waiting for details here."

"Fine. Last Friday, Thomas Miller's house, Billy Morgan--"

"Ew. Billy Bob?"

"Susie, he's really nice. And cute and funny and--"

"Large?"

"No, not really. Probably average."

"Didn't need to know that."

"You asked."

"Why?"

"That's what **I'm**__wondering…"

"No, I mean **why**?"

"Why what?"

"Drugs, alcohol, pressure…..?"

"Candles."

"Candles? What are you talking about?"

"There were vanilla candles… you know how I get with vanilla."

"It'll be your downfall."

"God, why are you being so…. critical now?"

"Because you're contradicting yourself."

"How so?"

"You were co-president of the club because you believed in marriage."

"I still do."

"Doesn't seem that way now, does it?"

"There were insinuating circumstances."

"What the hell."

"Please, Susie. Understand that I'm…. happy now."

"You weren't before?"

"Not like this."

Susie sighed. Her best friend had gone off the deep end. "Well, if something comes up messing, I'm not helping."

"But…"

"But what?"

"Nothing. I guess you're right. I was irresponsible."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!" said Susie, crunching down hard on the sucker and nearly dropping the phone. "What now?"

"What?"

"Please tell me you're not implying--"

"OF COURSE NOT!" said Monica. "Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

"Do you want an honest answer or one of those white lies that make you feel better about yourself?"

"Susie!"

"You said there were vanilla candles….."

"I can't believe you!"

"I can."

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Then Monica said "Of course. I forgot who I was talking to."

"Really?" asked Susie. "Early onset Alzheimer's?"

Monica sighed, but it was one of those 'I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that' sighs. "Look, I gotta go. Just… please don't tell anyone about this."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I forget to mention that I just e-mailed Time magazine? They're coming to interview you tomorrow for next week's top story. They're very interested."

"You're an ass."

"Thank you."

"Bye."

Susie closed her phone. She was kind of disappointed in Monica, but in the big picture she supposed it didn't really matter. The V club was founded back in middle school, when they had sex-ed. Looking down, Susie saw Shawn and Gus walking up the sidewalk to the office. Just then the phone rang. Susie picked up the handset just as Shawn and Gus had stepped onto the path to the door.

"Psych," said Susie. "Your private eye with a third eye."

"Susie?" asked the Chief. "Is Mr. Spencer in?"

"Yeah, hang on." said Susie. Covering the mouth piece, she leaned over the edge of the roof to find Shawn and Gus looking up at her. "Phone," she said, tossing it down to Shawn.

"Hello?" said Shawn, having caught the phone.

"Mr. Spencer, we need your assistance," said the Chief. "How soon can you get down here?"

"Be right there," said Shawn, hanging up. He looked at Gus. "Let's bounce." Then he looked up at the roof again. But no one was there. "Suze?"

" 'Sup?" asked Susie, walking around the corner of the building.

"You coming?"

"Why not?"

The group walked over to Gus's little blue car. Getting in, Gus said "Did the Chief say what she wanted?"

"Not specifically," said Shawn. "Just that she needed our help." He turned to Susie in the backseat. " 'Your private eye with a third eye'?" he asked.

"I was bored."

"No," he said. "It's catchy."

"Party on." said Susie.

"One question," said Shawn.

"Yeah?"

"Why is your mouth purple?"


	2. Chapter 2

Once at SBPD headquarters, Shawn and Gus made their way to the Chief's office

Once at SBPD headquarters, Shawn and Gus made their way to the Chief's office. Susie sat down on the floor outside of the office. Shawn looked down at Susie, and then walked over to Detective Lassiter's desk. He dragged the chair away from the desk and over to where Susie was sitting.

"Here you go," he said.

"Lassiter's going to spaz when he sees that you've been messing with his stuff." said Susie.

"Anyone could have moved it."

"And who besides you would **want** to?"

"Chair thieves."

"Of course. I'll be sure to keep my eyes open for any."

Shawn smiled and walked into the Chief's office, Gus following.

"Mr. Spencer, so glad you came. Unfortunately, we can't begin to discuss this particular case."

"Then why call us here?" asked Gus.

"I was hoping detectives Lassiter and O'Hara would be back by now."

At that moment, who should open the door but Lassiter and Juliet. "Sorry we're late," said Juliet. "Traffic was a mess."

"And she wouldn't let me use the siren," said Lassiter. "I told her that it would let us get here sooner, but she kept insisting that I didn't."

"Well, speak of the devil's advocates," said Shawn. "Hi, Jules. Lassie."

"What do you have for me detectives?" asked the Chief.

"Thirty-four year old Caucasian female, five-three, one-thirty pounds. Six months pregnant." said Juliet.

"Found her in the garden supply store where she worked," said Lassiter, handing the file to the Chief. "Some workers found her this morning out by the fish ponds. Cause of death was drowning."

"So are we looking at a serial killer?" asked the Chief.

"We're not sure," said Juliet. "The women didn't have that much in common.,"

"Different ages, different jobs, different social stands, different methods of death…" said Lassiter.

"So all they had in common was the fact that they were pregnant?" asked the Chief.

Shawn looked at Gus. A serial killer that was after pregnant chicks? It'd take a while to get them all.

"There is that. But all the women were at different points in the gestation period," said Jules. "The only other thing that connects all the women was that they all went to the same pregnancy relaxation home."

"Pregnancy relaxation home?" asked Shawn.

"Yeah, some 'Mothers to Be relaxation house." Juliet said to the fake psychic. "Detective Lassiter and I stopped by there. The owner hadn't seen the ladies in a while."

Maternal instinct was kicking in on the Chief. She knew what it was like to be pregnant, the feeling that you got when you thought of a little person growing inside of you. If someone was out there killing child-bearing women, she'd find 'em. And when she did….. oh boy. Not only could she get them on murder for the ladies themselves, but the little person inside of the women were to be considered murdered also. So it would be a double homicide charge for all of the victims found. That would stack up quite nicely in a court of law.

"Mr. Spencer, you're on the case."

"What? Chief, are you sure--"

"We need all the manpower we can have on this case," said the Chief, handing the file to Shawn. He took it and stood up, trying not to look at the hatred on Lassiter's face. The head detective hated working with the psychic, even though Shawn **did** help solve numerous cases.

"Right," Shawn said, looking at Gus, who was also standing. "Manpower. Got it."

He and Gus exited the office. Susie looked up when the door opened. "Hey," she said, standing. "Did we get a case?"

"Yeah," said Shawn. "Pregnant chicks are mysteriously turning up dead."

"Well, look on the bright side," said Susie. "It'll take a while for Santa Barbara to be clean of 'em, so we've got plenty of time to solve this case."

At that moment, Lassiter and Juliet came out of the office. Lassiter glared at the three non-force members. Then he looked behind Susie. "Is that my chair?" he asked.

"Damn chair thieves," said Susie.



Back at the Psych office, Shawn pulled out the clear whiteboard on wheels. Susie and Gus sat on the couch, facing the board, file in hand.

Uncapping the marker, Shawn said, "Okay, what do we know?"

"Five dead in--"

"Ohio?"

"That was **four**, and no." said Susie. "Five dead in seven months."

"'Kay," said Shawn, dividing the board into five parts. He labeled them by numbers at the top of the columns. "Dates of death?"

Gus took the file up to the board, took the marker out of Shawn's hand and wrote the dates of death for each lady. Then Shawn snatched the marker back out of Gus's hand, which caused Gus to grab it back. This wordless bicker over the marker, though entertaining for Susie, was wasting time. Sighing, Susie got up, snatched the file from Gus and the marker from Shawn and finished writing the stats for each lady, like the name, age, method of death, how many months along she was. Snapping the file shut, Susie turned to the guys who were standing behind her, staring at the board.

"Now," said Susie. "What else do we know?"

Shawn took the file. "They all went to this weird 'pregnancy relaxation home'."

"They have those?" asked Susie.

"It's Santa Barbara," said Gus. "We have everything."

"Except the Twin Towers," said Susie.

Gus shrugged. "Okay," he said.

"And the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, Statue of Liberty, snow monkeys, unicorns--"

Gus turned to Shawn. "Can't you do anything about her?"

"Skeletons running around, snow twenty-four seven, Chinatown, native hula dancers--" Susie continued.

"Shawn!"

"But we **do** have delicious pineapple," said Shawn, closing the file. "Gus, let's go."

"Where?" asked Gus.

Shawn opened the file again. "Mother's to Be relaxation house," he read off. "Everyone there is a suspect, especially since it's the only known connection between the dead ladies."

"Do you need me?" asked Susie.

"Not at the moment." said Shawn.

"Good," said Susie. "Pregnant chicks get on my last nerve."


	3. Chapter 3

Gus drove slowly. "There it is," said Shawn, pointing at a two story beige house. Gus pulled over to the curb and killed the engine.

"So," he said. "What's our plan?"

"Don't have one," said Shawn, opening the car door.

"Shawn, you can't just go in blindly here."

"Gus, that's how I roll. It's worked for me for the past two years."

"Shawn, the women here are very unbalanced hormone-wise. One misplaced word can send them into tears. You have to be careful about what you say."

"When have I ever said something that was completely wrong for the situation?" asked Shawn. The two had now made it to the porch of the house. Shawn opened the door and cautiously moved into the front hall. Gus followed him and shut the door. They could hear conversations in rooms nearby, and they saw lights on. Shawn glanced around the hall, and saw the walls were covered with pictures.

"Dude," he said, walking towards the wall. In each of the pictures were two ladies, a younger one holding a new born baby, and a slightly older one standing next to them. Both ladies were beaming. Shawn glanced down the wall. Every picture had the same older lady, who you could see age just a tiny bit in each photo, but had a different younger lady and baby.

"What do you think the chances are that all these ladies with babies came here?" asked Shawn.

"I'd say they're pretty good," said a somewhat scratchy female voice.

Shawn and Gus turned and found themselves face to face with the older lady in the photos. She appeared to be in her late forties, brown hair graying just a bit around the roots. Her gray eyes were cold and hard. She had a few wrinkles around her face, but she probably preferred to call them 'laughter lines'. She was about as tall as Shawn, and had finely toned muscles showing under the sleeves of her shirt. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"Yes," said Shawn, thinking on his feet. "I'm looking for the owner of this facility. Would that be you?"

"Yes," said the woman. "I'm Norma Janson. Who are you? I don't recall seeing you here before."

"My name is Shawn Spencer. I've heard marvelous reviews about this place. It's been said that it's the best pregnancy relaxation home in Santa Barbara."

"It's the **only** pregnancy relaxation home in Santa Barbara," said the lady, a slight bit of boastfulness in her voice. Apparently she took pride in the fact that she owned something original.

"Well, then it must be the best around," said Shawn, not exactly sure where he hoped to go with that statement. He hoped it would momentarily confuse the lady so he could think of a plan.

"Mr. Spencer, I don't want to appear to be rude, but why are you here?"

"Well, I just think that this place would be great for my wife."

The lady's face lit up. "Excellent!" she said. "Please, follow me."

She turned on her heel and walked down the hall. Shawn and Gus followed a few steps behind.

"Dude, mood swings much?" whispered Shawn.

"Your **wife**?" said Gus.

"Yes," said Shawn. "I'm going to appear as the responsibly person that I am."

"Responsible my ass," said Gus.

"Whatever. It makes a better impression."

While they were walking, Shawn noticed all the pictures on the walls, similar to the ones he had seen upon entering. He was also able to glance into large parlors where groups of pregnant women were doing different things.

Norma Janson opened the door to her office and ushered Shawn and Gus in. They found themselves in a room painted in pastel colors, very calming. A large window beside the desk let in lots of sunshine.

Shawn glanced around and saw a poster on the wall behind the desk. It showed a fetus growing inside the womb. Shawn's eye twitched involuntarily.

"Please," said Norma, shutting the door and walking behind the desk. "Sit down."

Shawn and Gus sat in the two chairs opposite Norma. They felt similar to the pregnancy chair that the Chief had had in the office.

"So, Mr. Spencer," Norma said. "Tell me about your wife."

"My wife." said Shawn. "Yes. Well, she's expecting, and she's **really** stressed out. I just feel like she needs to get out of the house, but not really in a public area."

"I see," said Norma, writing something down on a notepad. "And how far along is she?"

"Um," Shawn said, looking back at the poster behind Norma. "About… seven months."

The lady and Gus looked at Shawn in amazed horror. "Seven months?" asked Norma. "And you just **now** want to bring her here?"

"Is that a problem?" asked Gus.

"Well… no," said Norma. "It's just that most of our women are in the first or second trimester."

"Well, my wife is a strong-willed person. I've been telling her 'Honey, you just need to relax,'. But she's a stubborn one. Besides," Shawn said. "I've heard so much excellent press about this place."

"Yes," said the owner sadly. "I just hope we can recover from our recent press coverage."

"Bad stuff?" asked Gus, looking at Shawn. They were finally getting somewhere.

The lady sighed. "Well, I don't know if I should be telling this to you. I don't want to discourage you from bringing your wife."

"Trust me," said Shawn. "This is the best place for her. Nothing could sway me."

"Well," said Norma. "Over the past few months, we've lost five of our ladies." Norma sniffed and wiped her eye. "The police think they were just depressed, and that they killed themselves. But I don't think so. I spent so much time with the ladies. They weren't depressed. And if I had seen any signs of depression, I would have called a friend of mine who's a shrink in to prescribe some anti-depressants that wouldn't hurt the baby."

"Had you mentioned this to your friend? I mean, would she have agreed to come?" asked Gus.

"We mentioned it at a few of our sessions. I mean, not only was she my friend, but she was **my** psychologist as well."

"Wow," said Shawn. "That's…. interesting. But don't worry Ms. Janson. I'll tell all my golf buddies about this place so they can bring **their** wives."

"That's very kind of you Mr. Spencer." Norma stood up, as did Shawn and Gus. "I look forward to meeting your wife."

"I'll bring her by tomorrow," said Shawn, shaking her hand. He and Gus exited the office. Walking quickly through the hall and out the front door, Shawn exhaled deeply. "Dude," he said. "I've got to find myself a pregnant wife by tomorrow."


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning found Shawn sitting in his apartment, still wifeless. Time was of the essence now. He wandered through the apartment, fidgeting. His fingers closed around an old hacky-sac that was lying around. He squeezed it, trying to rid himself of some of this stress.

'Think,' he told himself. Then he got an idea. He looked down at the hacky-sac in his hand. Then he quickly pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and hit the speed dial.

"Burton Gustor, Bay Side Pharmaceuticals," answered Gus.

"Dude, do you have to answer the phone like that every time?"

"Shawn, this is also a work phone. Of **course **I answer the phone like that."

"Okay, anyway, do you still cover those birthing center things?" asked Shawn.

"Yeah, why?"

"Are they open now?"

"I don't think the public's allowed in yet. But the doctors are probably there already. Why?"

Shawn grabbed the keys to his bike. "Stay there. I'll be at your place in five. I'll explain everything then."



Shawn opened the door to the Psych office and walked in, Gus following, carrying a large box.

"Shawn, why am I carrying this?" asked Gus.

"Just set it on the floor," said Shawn. "Susie?"

"She's gonna kill you when you reveal this 'plan' of yours," said Gus, putting the box on the ground.

"She's not gonna kill me," said Shawn.

Just then, the back door opened. In walked Susie, a rolled up mat in her hands. She was dressed in sweats.

"Hey guys," she said. "What's up?"

"What were you doing outside?" asked Gus.

"Yoga," said Susie, leaning the mat against the wall in a corner.

"Yoga?" asked Shawn.

"Yes. Why?"

"Nothing," said Shawn, shaking his head. "Anyways. What are you doing today?"

"Helping you solve a multiple homicide," said Susie calmly, as if they were discussing the weather. Nothing seemed to faze her about her 'job'. At least, not **yet**.

"Excellent," said Shawn. "Now--"

"What's in the box?" asked Susie.

"I'm getting there," said Shawn. "You know how our case involves pregnant ladies and a relaxation home?"

Susie raised one eyebrow. "Yeah…." she said, uncertain of where this was going.

"Okay, well, we're going undercover, so I'm going to need you to put this stuff on," said Shawn as he opened the box. The first thing he pulled out was what looked like a giant tan beanbag with straps. Susie stared at it.

"It's a pregnancy stomach," Gus explained.

"I know what it is," said Susie. "I'm just wondering why you guys have it."

"Like I said, we're going undercover." said Shawn.

"And by 'we', you mean me."

Shawn laughed slightly. "Yeah, pretty much."

"So why don't 'we' just say that I'm two or three months pregnant? Women usually don't start showing that much by then, and I already have a pudge going on, so we're covered."

"You do **not** have a pudge," said Shawn. "And you make a valid point. But Suze, all the women at this home are showing. All the dead women were showing. You've got to show. Besides, I might have already told them that you were seven months pregnant."

"Without asking me?"

"I knew that you'd never agree."

"Damn straight. Shawn, this is one of the more stupid plans you've ever had."

"Please, Suze. We need your help. There's no one else."

"Juliet."

"They've already seen her, and she's **clearly** not pregnant."

"The Chief."

"She has enough to deal with."

Susie sighed. "Well, what am I supposed to wear over that…. thing?" she asked, pointing at the stomach in Shawn's hands. "My clothes won't do."

"That's why we have these," said Shawn, opening the box wider and showing Susie the bright colored cloth in the box. "Pregnant lady clothes!" he said.

"They're called 'maternity'," said Susie. "Where on earth did you get all these?"

"The Salvation Army," said Shawn. "So, will you help us Suze? Please?"

Susie stared at Shawn and Gus. "There's really no one else?" she asked.

"No," said Shawn.

Susie sighed. 'What am I getting myself into?' she thought. "Fine," she said, walking towards the box. She took the 'stomach' and put it back in the box. Then she picked up the box and walked into the bathroom to transform herself.



When Susie waddled out of the bathroom a few minutes later, she found Shawn and Gus sitting at their desks, looking bored and somewhat anxious.

"You both look like dads-to-be in the waiting room." she said.

Shawn and Gus looked up. "Wow," said Shawn. "If I didn't know that was fake, I'd think you really were pregnant."

"That's the point, isn't it?" asked Susie.

"Exactly," said Shawn. "Let's go." He and Gus got out of their chairs and headed for the door.

"Whoa, hang on there," said Susie, moving as fast as she could (a slight sprint) and blocking the door.

"That's the fastest I've ever seen an expecting mother move," said Gus.

"I'm not pregnant Gus. Remember?"

"C'mon Susie, get out of the doorway." said Shawn. "We've got to get going."

"I'm not going **anywhere**," said Susie. "At least, not yet."

"Why?"

"I need to know our story." Shawn and Gus gave Susie only blank stares to work with.

"Story?" asked Shawn.

"Yeah, our story. Like, who's the father? Am I married? Why do you and Gus keep following me around?"

Shawn laughed. "Suze, we'll figure that out once we get there. Play it by ear."

"No, Shawn. I'm not walking out of this office looking like this unless I have a background story. And like you said, I'm pretty much your only shot. Unless you go back to the place where you got this stomach and steal a pregnant lady."

Shawn turned to Gus. "Why didn't we think of that?" he asked.

"**Shawn**."

Shawn looked back at Susie. She had them in a corner, relatively speaking. "Fine," said Shawn. "Here's the story. I'm the father and your husband. Gus is the godfather of our daughter, Cassandra."

"You already named the kid?" asked Gus.

"The kid's not real!" said Susie. And then she laughed slightly to herself. "See," she said. "This is **exactly** why I insisted on doing this." She held up her hand, palm facing herself.

"High five?" asked Shawn.

Controlling her temper, Susie grabbed his wrist out of the air, bringing it up even with hers. "No rings," she said.

'Crap,' thought Shawn. "We could say that we dropped them off at the cleaner's."

Susie nodded slightly, and dropped Shawn's wrist. "Okay," she said. "So, how'd we meet?"

"Is this **really** this important?" asked Shawn.

"Shawn, you're a detective! You know how important an air-tight alibi is!"

"There's no such thing as an 'air-tight alibi'." said Gus.

"Prove it." said Susie.

"Susie, we're just going to a pregnancy relaxation home." said Shawn.

"Which is filled with pregnant women who are all suspects. And since they're all pregnant, they have nothing better to do than gab with each other. And when a newbie comes, they flock around her, grilling her and comparing their own stories with hers."

"How do you know so much about pregnant women?" asked Gus.

"I go to high school."


	5. Chapter 5

So it was settled. Shawn and Susie's background story. He was thirty, as he was in real life, and Susie was twenty-six. They met at college, when he was graduating and she was an incoming freshman. He studied law and law enforcement, and she studied literature.

They had been married for one year. Gus was both the best man at the wedding and the godfather of little Cassandra. Susie was taking maternity leave from her student teaching position at one of the local high schools. Shawn was working for the SBPD, just like always.

"So," said Shawn, driving to Mothers to Be Relaxation House. "Our background is pretty much the story of my life. I'm thirty and work with Lassie."

"But now you have a college degree and a wife and kid." said Susie.

"Shawn, do you really need me? I've still got my route," said Gus from the backseat.

"Of course! You're the godfather. Don't you want to experience it all?"

"I'm wondering why **you** want me to," said Gus. "But could I at least sit in the front of **my** car?"

"Dude, you can't expect Susie to sit in the back in her current condition." Shawn reached over and patted Susie's fake stomach.

"Don't touch me," she said.

"Besides," said Shawn, pulling next to the curb across from the house. "This is a **company** car. And we're your company."

"That is **not** the meaning of that, Shawn!" said Gus as they all climbed out of the car.

They walked up the sidewalk to the house. Susie sighed, walking up the stairs of the porch. Shawn looked over at her.

"You ready for this?" he asked. "You okay?"

Susie looked straight ahead at the door and said, "I'm wearing a pregnancy stomach under thrift store variety maternity clothes and have you as a husband. Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"It's like a dream come true, isn't it?" asked Shawn. "Now, act like you're happy to be here!" He put his arm around her shoulders and opened the door. This time, a bell rang when they entered.

Shawn looked up. Was that supposed to be an alert system? He looked at Gus. "Do you think that she put that up for us?"

"More likely **because** of us."

"It's a wonder she waited until now."

Just then, Norma Janson walked down the hallway. "Shawn!" she crooned. "And this must be your wife."

"Yes," said Shawn. "This is Susie."

Norma held out her hand. "It's wonderful to finally meet you."

"Thank you. This place is amazing." said Susie, making to shake Norma's hand. But the woman's hand wasn't in the air anymore. It was rubbing Susie's stomach.

"Your baby is going to be beautiful," said Norma. "I mean, you two make a lovely couple."

Susie and Shawn looked at each other. Susie willed herself not to blush, or to punch this woman's lights out. Why was everyone so insistent on touching her stomach?

"Well, come in, come in," said Norma, pulling away from the stomach. She led the group into the house. She pointed out the rooms as she went. There was a yoga class, a breathing class, massages and foot rubs, what looked like a book circle, and numerous other things.

"There are bathrooms located in each of the corners of the house," said Norma. "And if the women want even more relaxation, we have guest bedrooms upstairs."

They had now reached the kitchen. "Most of the women stay here all day, so they just bring a lunch and some snacks and keep them in here." She turned and looked at the three newcomers. "So," said Norma. "What kind of food do you eat, Susie?"

"Well, I'm a vegetarian," said Susie.

"Oh my. Are you now?" asked Norma.

"Yeah. What's the big deal?"

"Well, it's not best for the baby. It needs nutrients from meat."

"I'm not eating flesh for a parasite."

"It needs the protein and other things."

"Then I'll take a damn Flintstone Chewable," said Susie.

Shawn put his hand over Susie's mouth. "Sorry," he said. "She's just a little cranky. She's very emotional in this state. And she's got back pain and such."

"It's quite alright," said Norma. "Why don't we just take her into an activity to get her mind off it?" She looked at Susie. "What did you see that interests you, Susie?"

Shawn pulled his hand away. "Well," said Susie. "I--"

"Why don't we go to the yoga class, hon?" said Shawn. Susie knew she wouldn't be able to get out of it, so she nodded and let Shawn and Gus lead her out of the kitchen.

When they reached the yoga room, Norma got ahead of the group and said, "Ladies! We have a new member of our house! This is Susie," she said, pulling Susie next to her. "And she's seven months along."

The ladies in the room all went "Hi, Susie," as Norma pushed her into the room. She looked at Shawn and Gus. "I'll be in my office, if you need anything."

Shawn and Gus watched her leave, when they were pulled forward. Susie had grabbed each of them by the wrist and was dragging them back behind her.

"There is no way in hell," she whispered. "That you two are leaving me here all alone."

They were standing in the back of the room, next to a pile of yoga mats. Shawn picked one up and handed it to Susie.

"This should be a piece of cake," he said. "You were doing this when we got to the office this morning. So you already know what you're doing."

"I've never done it with a bad of sand under my shirt."

"Shawn, don't you think we should be doing something productive?" asked Gus.

"Technically--"

"Productive towards the **case**, Shawn."

Shawn sighed. "I guess you're right." He started walking towards the door with Gus.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" hissed Susie.

Shawn turned. "Hon, we're just going out to the car to get something." However, instead of saying it in a whisper, he spoke loud enough for some of the other ladies to hear.

"I am going to kill you," whispered Susie.

"Okay, I'll grab your purse for you." And with that, Shawn and Gus hurried out the door.

Once in the hallway, Shawn turned to Gus. "I think we should check upstairs."

"Don't you think it's going to be kind of obvious we didn't go to the car when you return without a purse?" asked Gus.

"We'll deal with that later. Right now, we need to get upstairs."

"Why what's upstairs?"

"I don't know. Dead bodies, a written confession that says 'I did it' and then signed in blood?"

"Shawn, you have **got** to stop watching horror movies. Stuff like that doesn't happen."

"How do you know?" asked Shawn as he started up the stairs.

Gus followed, deciding that it would be better for Shawn to find out on his own that Hollywood was fiction, and nothing else.

Once upstairs, Shawn said, "Okay, I'll go this way, you go that way."

"Shawn--"

But Shawn had already darted away. The sad thing was, he was sliding against the wall, just like the spies did in movies.

Gus sighed and opened the door next to him. Inside there was a bed, neatly made, a small TV, and a large window. 'This must be one of the guest bedrooms,' he thought to himself. The next door revealed the same scene. The next was a bathroom. And then Gus hit the jackpot.

Shawn, down at the other end of the hall, was coming up with guest bed and bathrooms galore. Two of the bedrooms had women sleeping in them, so Shawn quickly left. He reached the staircase and was halfway down when Gus appeared at the top of the stairs.

"Shawn!" he said, going down the stairs. "You'll never believe what I just found!"

"A million dollars?" asked Shawn.

"No--"

"A stash of pineapples?"

"No, Shawn--"

"A monkey wearing a hat?"

"Shawn! I found drugs."

Shawn paused, his foot hanging in the air above the last step. "Like, marijuana?"

"No--"

"Heroin?"

"No, I found--"

"Crack?"

"No! I found prescription drugs for depression."

"Depression?" asked Shawn. "Maybe Lassie's theory was right."

"They weren't for a guest, Shawn. They were prescribed to Norma."

"The owner of this place?" asked Shawn.

"Yeah," said Gus. "And check out who the prescribing doctor was." He handed the bottle to Shawn.

"Carrie Jones." Shawn read from the label. "Why does that matter?"

"Because I've met her, Shawn. I know what she looks like."

"Congrats, Gus. Really. You've solved the case."

Gus glared at Shawn. "Shawn, there are pictures in Norma's bedroom. In most of them, there are two women. One of them is Norma. The other one is--"

"Carrie Jones." said Shawn. Gus nodded. "Oh my God, Gus! This Carrie chick must be Norma's psychologist friend!"

"Exactly," said Gus. "And then I found these," he said, handing a box to Shawn. "They're supposed to help in artificial conception."

"There's a baby in this box?" asked Shawn, holding the box away from him.

"No," said an almost exasperated Gus. "But there were a few empty syringes and a negative pregnancy test in Norma's bathroom garbage can."

"Dude, we solved the case!"

"What? How?"

Shawn jumped off the staircase and started walking back to where Susie was. "C'mon," he said. "We have to get Susie."


	6. Chapter 6

Shawn and Gus hurried back to the yoga class, taking only one wrong turn into a lamas breathing class. They went back to where Susie was sitting Indian-style. They plopped down next to her and started whispering hurriedly.

"Susie," said Shawn. "We've got to get out of here."

"Why?" asked Susie.

"Because the owner of this place is a murderer not to mention--"

But Susie was up and pulling the two men behind her into the hallway. Once there, she turned to them. "What's going on, Shawn?"

"Yeah," said Gus. "What are you talking about? How do you know that Norma killed those women?"

Shawn handed the pill bottle to Susie. "Norma Janson was trying to get pregnant. When she couldn't, her psychologist friend prescribed her these pills for depression. However, Norma wasn't just depressed. She was going crazy with jealousy, being around these pregnant women all the time. The feelings became overwhelming and she killed those five women."

"Where is she now?" asked Susie.

"In her office," said Gus. "Why?"

"Let's go in there and bust her ass."

"No!" said Shawn, grabbing Susie's arm before she waddled off. "No, we can't just go barging in there, accusing her of murder."

"Why not?" asked Susie. "That's what **you** do all the time."

"We need Lassie and Jules and the Chief here."

"Then call them. We live in the 21st century. We have the amazing thing called cellular phones."

"I think she'd notice the sirens and stuff and she might try to run."

Susie stared at Shawn. "You watch too many movies," she said. Sighing, she said, "Unfortunately, you make some sense."

"We need a plan," said Gus.

"Duh," said Susie. The group was quiet for a few moments. Then, Susie closed her eyes and shook her head. 'I can't believe I'm about to do this,' she told herself. Then she looked at Shawn. "I've got a plan." she said.

"What?" asked Shawn.

"Just stay here." Susie said, walking down the hall and turning the corner. Shawn and Gus looked after her, and then at each other. What was Susie doing?

Moments later, Shawn's phone rang. He answered it. "Hello?"

"Oh my God, my water just broke," said a slightly bored voice.

"Suze?" asked Shawn.

"Who else?" asked Susie. "Now, go get Ms. Janson and get her to go to the nearest hospital and tell the doctors that I'm having a baby."

"But--"

"Just do it. Then come get me out of this bathroom." Susie hung up before Shawn could get another word in.

"What's going on?" asked Gus.

"Susie's plan. C'mon." Shawn ran towards Norma's office, Gus following. Bursting in, Shawn said, "Ms. Janson! Susie's water broke!"

Norma looked up. "What?" she said. "I thought you said she was only seven months along!"

"Yeah, well, she just called me from the bathroom and said her water broke. And I think I'm going to have to trust her judgment on this. We need you to go to the nearest hospital."

"St. John's?"

"Yes! Go there and tell the doctors to get in position."

Norma got up and hurried out of the office. "I'll meet you inside the front doors," she said.

Gus looked at Shawn. "This is Susie's plan? Getting the criminal out of the building and into the streets? Now what?"

"Something tells me Susie's plan's not over yet," said Shawn. He exited the office and walked towards the bathroom that Susie was in. He knocked on the door and Susie opened it.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm not really having a baby, so yeah." said Susie. "Now, walk me to the car."

Shawn and Gus each took one of Susie's arms and led her down the hall and out of the front door. When they got to the car, Gus got in back while Susie sat up in front next to Shawn.

"Okay," she said. "Call Lassiter and tell him to meet us at the hospital."

Shawn pulled away from the curb and dialed the head detective's number.

"Lassiter," he answered after the second ring.

"Lassie! What are you doing?"

"I'm about to hang up and continue trying to solve a multiple homicide."

"Meet me at St. John's hospital ASAP. Use the siren."

"Spencer--"

Shawn hung up. "So, what's the rest of your plan?" he asked Susie.

"That was pretty much it." said Susie. There was a shocked silence in the car. Looking at Shawn, she said, "You are so gullible. My plan is for you to get a 'vision' at the hospital and solve the case while Lassie and Jules are there."

Shawn pulled the car into the nearest parking spot. Then he and Gus walked Susie into the hospital. Inside, Norma was waiting with a nurse with a wheelchair. The rest of the women from the home were there too.

"What the hell are **they** doing here?" Susie asked Shawn.

"I don't know," he said as Norma ran up with the wheelchair.

"Here you go, hon. Sit down. The doctors are getting ready."

"Thank you," Susie gasped, sitting down and clutching her stomach.

"You must be so nervous," Norma said to Shawn.

"Yes ma'am," said Shawn. He looked down at Susie. "Don't worry babe. Just do the breathing that Gus taught you."

Susie grabbed Shawn's hand and squeezed it hard.

"Contraction?" he asked, trying to flex his hand and not show the sudden pain.

Susie nodded. "I'm going to die." She loosened her grip. "Tell them I want drugs."

"Right."

At that moment, Lassiter, Jules and the Chief walked into the hospital.

"Mr. Spencer, what's going on?" asked Karen.

"Excuse me, we're ready for you." said a doctor behind the group. All the other expecting mothers started wishing luck and offering words of kindness and advice to Susie. The doctor started moving the chair away.

"Uncle Carlton!" yelled Susie, silencing everyone and causing a moment of frozen movement. Lassiter looked at Susie in the chair. Then he saw her stomach. Glaring, he strode over to the chair. Kneeling, he said, "What the hell is going on?"

"Lassie, thank **God** you're here!" said Shawn. Lassiter stood up and Shawn hugged him. "This is the big moment," he said.

"Spencer, get off of me."

Shawn pulled away. "Yes, what a big moment it is. I have solved the case."

"What are you talking about?" asked Juliet.

"Mr. Spencer, we really should be moving your wife to her room." said the doctor.

"Lassie, arrest this woman for murder!" said Shawn, pointing at Norma.

"What?" said Lassiter, Jules, the Chief, the doctor, Norma and the rest of the clientele from the home.

"Yes," said Shawn. "She's the killer." He put his fingers to his head and closed his eyes. "She was trying to get pregnant by artificial conception. However, when that failed, her psychologist and bestie for life, Carrie Jones prescribed her anti-depressants." Shawn opened his eyes. "But it wasn't enough." Shawn put his hand on Susie's stomach. "Being around all those expectant mothers **every **day finally got to her. She had to get rid of them. If she couldn't have a baby, why should they get to?"

Everyone looked at Norma. She stood there for a few moments, and then burst into tears. "All I wanted was to be happy," she said. "To know what it felt like to be a mother."

Lassiter strode up to Norma. "You have the right to remain silent," he began, cuffing her wrists.

As he was leading her out, one of the women clutched her stomach.

"Oh!" said another woman. "She's having contractions!"

Susie heaved herself out of the wheelchair to the doctor's astonishment. "Here," she said. "Have my chair."

"But…" the doctor said. "I thought you were…"

"Yeah," said Susie. "I'm not."

"Mr. Spencer, why does Susie look like she's pregnant?" asked the Chief.

"Undercover mission." said Shawn.

The Chief shook her head and walked out to her car. Shawn, Gus and Susie began to follow her.

"That was an interesting plan," said Gus. "I wasn't exactly sure where you were going with it…"

"Thanks," said Susie. "I just hope I was somewhat convincing."

"Totally," said Shawn. "I was sure you broke my hand for a minute."

"Oops," said Susie.

"And that Uncle Carly thing was brilliant."

"I just wanted to see the look on his face," said Susie.

They were almost to the sliding doors when they heard a voice behind them.

"Shawn?"

The group turned around to find themselves in the company of Henry Spencer.

"Dad." said Shawn. "What are you doing here?"

"I was visiting a friend. Why are **you** here?"

"Solving a multiple homicide."

Then Henry saw Susie. His eyes widened slightly. He turned to his son. What had Shawn done now? "Shawn, what's going on?"

"What?"

"Why does Susie look pregnant?"

"Because…. she is?" asked Shawn.

Susie smacked Shawn. "I'm not really pregnant, Mr. Spencer. Trust me."

"Then why…."

"We needed to go undercover," said Shawn.

Henry shook his head and walked out of the hospital.



The next day, the group went to SBPD headquarters. Juliet saw Susie leaning on Lassiter's desk.

"Hey," said Juliet. "Good to see you're back to your normal size."

Susie laughed slightly. "Thanks. It's good to be back to my 'normal size'."

"I don't know how you put up with Shawn." said Juliet. "Especially after that last stunt. I mean, he once proposed to me and then told a lady that we had a little daughter, but it wasn't as humiliating as what he put you through."

"Ah, it wasn't so bad." Juliet looked at Susie. "Okay, yeah it was." Susie said. "But I got my revenge."

"Revenge?" asked Lassiter, walking up with the Chief. "What revenge?"

At that moment, Shawn and Gus came around the corner. They were both wearing pregnancy stomachs under their shirts. Shawn looked like he was going to have twins.

Lassiter, the Chief and Juliet all dropped their jaws.

"What the hell….." said Lassiter.

Shawn and Gus walked up to the group. "Hey guys," said Shawn. "What's up?"

"My back is killing me," Gus said.

The group was silent. Susie smirked slightly. Someone cat-called from down the hall.

"Why I oughta…"said Gus.

"Come on, ladies," said Susie. "We'd better head over to Henry's and tell him the good news."

Shawn, Gus and Susie waved to the law enforcement group and walked down the hall. The other three stood in shocked silence for a few moments.

"Remind me to never piss her off." said Lassiter.


End file.
